Home Improvements? A Tale of Two Beds

There’s not been much leatherworking here today at the OK Corral.  Instead I have been doing Home Improvements.  About two months ago it became obvious that our bed base needed changing as we’d got that dreadful “sleeping uphill” thing going on and the new mattress wasn’t helping.

So we ordered a new bed base on the cheap from a chap recommended in the pub.  “He’ll deliver it on Wednesday or Thursday”, we were told.  After two weeks it still hadn’t arrived so in desparation, as I’d originally intended, I put boards across the old bed under the mattress.  This solved the problem and was very comfy.

Of course as soon as I’d sorted the boards the new bed actually appeared.  It took up its place on its side in the hallway where it remained for many weeks, with us and our visitors squeezing around it.

Despite numerous promises from Him In the Garage that the new bed would be installed, nothing happened.  So today I began dismantling the old bed base but had to stop short at separating the two halves as they were joined by the padding and the bed springs.  Now I’d burnt our bridges and he’d have to sort the new bed else we’d have nowhere to sleep tonight.  (Hell hath no fury like a woman with a few screwdrivers).

After some protestation he eventually came to help and we tried moving the old base as one piece.  It was too heavy.  Back it went into the bedroom while I fetched my Stanley knife and he fetched his bolt cutters.  The separating of the two halves of the base sounded like one of those tense operations, “Stanley knife…….bolt cutters…….scissors”. Stuffing and dust flying everywhere. Eventually the two halves were parted and we bumped each one down the stairs.  Then we lifted the two new sections of bed base up to the bedroom.

He had to go back to work at this point, so I began taking the wrapping off the new bed pieces.  As I peeled back the polythene I found there were rust stains all over the covering material, round all the staples and screws!  Aaargh!  Recovered my composure and thought, oh what the hell, we’ve come this far.  Opening the wrapping on the second section I thought I’d make it a bit lighter by taking out the drawers.  I pulled out the first drawer and it came apart in my hand!  AAAAAAARGGHHH!

New bed base installed!

Yes!  We ignored the broken drawer.  (It was on the side next to the wall so wouldn’t have opened properly anyway).  The only worry now is that the two halves of the base aren’t joined in any way so I have a horrible vision of them moving apart and us and the mattress disappearing between them.  Ooo-err!

The drawer that fell apart in my hand

Now I have the two halves of the old bed in the hallway instead!  One is occupying the doorway to my workroom and the other is by the bathroom.  Hmmmm!

Doorway to my workroom!
The other half, aaargh!

As Himself pointed out, we’d have been better off keeping the old base with the boards and just burning the new one!